¹ To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

² A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³ A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴ A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵ A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶ A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷ A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸ A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

It’s hard to believe that it’s been five years since I got that call from the Port Orange Police Department that I had simultaneously been expecting for over thirty years and yet it still came as a complete shock when it finally happened. Maybe that was the reason it was a shock…after that long of being ready to execute his final orders, it was something that had gotten to be too comfortable like a well broken-in pair of shoes that you just can’t bear to give up even though they’re well past the expiry date.

I wish I could say this anniversary has gotten easier through the years but it really hasn’t. Not if I’m truly being honest about it. Even though I know he’s in a far better place and well rid of all of the ailments that tormented him so in his final years…this day of the year is still one that is more a matter of surviving and enduring and it probably will be for the rest of my days. After all, I’m only human and even though I don’t tend to let the world see too much of the internal turmoil and pain…this is probably one of the few days of the year that I really can’t help but let out those long-repressed feelings just to get through the day without going completely barking mad by the time the day is done.

And it has certainly coloured my feelings for the festive season these past few years. Whilst I have loved seeing the kids enjoy their presents on Christmas and enjoyed the games…there was always that ember of sadness that still burns to this day. The proximity of his passing and Christmas day has really made it hard for me to truly embrace the season and put my heart into it more than just going through the motions even though I’m sure the stiff upper lip routine was fooling absolutely no one.

But this year is different. This anniversary still hurts like hell and I’d be a fool if I tried to convince anyone it won’t hurt like hell in the years to come.

The difference is that this year I was able to finally keep the promise that I had made to him so many years ago during the one argument we had over his final resting place which would be the one argument I ever won with the man!

He was adamant that he was OK with being buried in Bunnell FL because he didn’t really want to be a bother when his time was at hand. Most people who live in Florida have no earthly idea where in the hell Bunnell is. It’s so insignificant that the local radio station in Daytona would use it as the “throw in” location during station identification. “This is I-100 FM broadcasting to you live from Daytona, Palatka, and downtown Bunnell!”

I was of the mind that as he was eligible for Arlington, he needed to take the Army up on that and take his place in arguably the most sacred place that exists in this country. I argued that his grandchildren would have no idea where Bunnell was nor would they ever find their way to it but knowing their grandfather was at Arlington was something they could take pride in and Arlington is far more accessible than Bunnell would ever be. Arlington would be a place they would go to visit knowing they’d already paid the admission in the dearest coin we know.

We went back and forth a couple more times but then I flat out told him that it was up to him where his final resting place would be but if it were anywhere but Arlington, he needed to find a new executor for his estate because I refused to sign off on anywhere else. I never imagined he would actually back down and give in but he did and to this day I still find it shocking he did.

After all, every other conversation and argument with the man was a variation on the theme of “you might as well tell the Earth to stop orbiting round the sun than get him to change his mind once he’d made his decision!”

Part of the deal that got him to finally accept his place of honour at Arlington was that I would visit from time to time. Of course, real life and having three kids makes that a very difficult proposition but this summer I was able to finally keep that promise and paid his gravesite a visit as part of a 20-hour grand circle tour completely round the Chesapeake.

And you know what? Being there and finally being able to make good on that promise felt like a massive weight was finally lifted and I left the cemetery feeling far better than I had for the previous few years. The promise was kept and that made all the difference to me.

So for the first time since that phone call five years ago, the Christmas tree was set up in its usual corner downstairs and the ornaments hung upon it along with the foxes to guard the tree. It felt refreshing to be able to finally unearth the tree and ornaments from the cupboard beneath the stairs.

And today was the first time I’d actually reviewed the footage that was shot during his service at the Old Post Chapel at Ft Myer VA. Yes, I was in tears more than a few times but at least I can now watch them as I was not able to do before.

The promise kept has been very liberating indeed.

I will never be able to go through this day of the year without feeling the pain of his passing but I’ve finally made it to the point where there is a time to find that time of peace mentioned in the final verse of the scripture that was used as part of his funeral service.