Today started out somewhat gloomy and overcast and not just because of the weather here in the Raleigh area.
Today would have been my father’s 75th birthday and there’s no getting round the fact that ever since he passed away four years ago, words just cannot properly express just how terribly I miss him.
Sometimes it’s something really stupid that takes my breath away. When I would ring him up on his birthday to wish him well, I’d always ask the same question he’d ask me on my birthday…”how are you feeling today?” My answer was always “same as yesterday” when he’d return the favour but his standard answer was always “super”.
Now, anyone who knew him at all knew exactly what he really meant when he said “super”, particularly in the last few years when his myriad of medical problems started catching up to him. It was his coded way of saying that he was in near constant pain but that he was still happy to be alive and to hear the stories of the activities of his grandchildren…the three precious ones born to him and the many kids that adopted him as their own. But most of all, being remembered with love was all he really ever wanted and for at least a brief time would make facing the struggle of survival just that much more bearable.
I can certainly understand that. Truth be told, I understand it much better now than I did before and so four years on, he’s still passing on his lessons and his wisdom.
So yes…whilst I was thankful for the mercy shown to him to free him from pain, there’s a huge presence that’s missing just rather colours how I feel today (and on 23 December which was when he passed away).
And then this morning, an amazing thing happened. When Katie got into the Traverse for the trip to school, the first words out of her mouth were “happy birthday, Gramps!” followed with “OK, I’m going back to sleep!”.
It was as if that crushing weight had lifted, at least for a time!
HE would have loved that. HE would have likely chuckled if not outright laughed his head off!
Thank you Katie for making me hear him laugh once again, even if it was in my own head and imagination. Goodness knows he and I really needed that!
Alex soon jumped on that bandwagon as I was pulling away and then the headphones were on and he was a happy camper and to be honest, things were as they ought to be in my world as well.
So for those who have thought of my father today…words cannot express how thankful I am that you knew him and thought a good thought of him today. And if it was a funny memory that came to mind, so much the better!
That is a gift of the heart that is beyond words…to both of us!