For the last few days, a Chinese balloon the size of three buses with a instrument package with solar panels dangling below it has been drifting over the continental United States and has made it’s way from Montana to Missouri and is now hovering over western North Carolina.
There seems to be a lot of anxiety surrounding this balloon that Beijing initially denied existed at all and then finally has admitted was their balloon but that it had drifted off course due to “force majeure” (great force) and thus were not responsible for their civilian weather monitoring balloon straying so far from it’s intended course.
The defence establishment and our intelligence agencies seem to think that the balloon has much more nefarious intentions toward our great land such as gathering signals intelligence and spying on sensitive military installations which have been under the balloon’s path more than could be ascribed to mere chance.
As the balloon was just over Charlotte (second biggest financial centre in the United States after New York City) and it’s path is likely to drift toward Fort Bragg and Camp Lejeune, I think it’s safe to say that our military and the spooks might know a thing or two about what this thing is up to especially now that another Chinese balloon has been spotted drifting over Latin and South America.
In the interest of calming the public’s fears over what the balloon might be doing, I’ve managed to access some of the briefing materials being provided right now to President Biden as he monitors this developing situation and can assure you that there really is no cause for alarm after seeing what the Chinese government is seeing as the balloon is drifting over the Old North State.
The following stills come from a very highly placed intelligence source that has hacked into the live feed from the balloon back to Beijing of these images showing some of the good citizens of North Carolina expressing their true feelings towards President Xi and all of his colleagues in the Politburo of the People’s Republic of China.
I’m pretty sure the President won’t mind me sharing this treasure trove of sensitive intelligence with the community so that we may get on with our normal Saturday activities without worrying about that balloon’s activities.
I’ve no doubt that he’s already declassified this part of the briefing materials in his mind because we know from his predecessor in office that merely thinking of declassifying documents is good enough to declassify them. And with the many classified documents of late that have been found in unexpected places belonging to people with a much higher pay grade than I have, I imagine I’m probably pretty safe from any real repercussions! 🙂
Without further ado…from the citizens of North Cackalacky to Beijing with love:
