I’ve had more than a little time to reflect upon what family means to me ever since that fateful Friday night almost three weeks ago and the many nights and days of many thoughts but much rarer instances of peace and solace that have followed since the ambulance pulled away from our little cul-de-sac at the end of our street.
Truth be told, it seems absurd that what seemed absolutely crystal clear in my mind all this time is so difficult to translate into words on a web page so that you dear readers may truly understand why I’ve only now been able to put metaphorical pen to a WordPress post.
I have no doubt it’s because the inspiration behind these words is someone I cherish and care for in ways that I still discover new dimensions to every single day who is currently in hospital steadily recovering from an aneurysm in a blood vessel that burst in his brain that night.
That night was certainly winding down in the usual fashion. Nicholas had just returned from playing beer league hockey and was resting in the living room with the final hour of “On Patrol: Live” playing on the TV. He was the one that noticed that the flashes from the emergency vehicles on the TV onto the walls seemed far more intense than is usual which is when we noticed that the cul-de-sac was full of first responders.
These past few months, that’s hardly been out of the ordinary as the neighbours in the house on the other side of Miguel’s have been relatively frequent flyers on the ambulance and we just figured it was another of those frequent flights.
That was dispelled rather quickly when we got to the mailbox and saw which door was open. Soon afterward, Miguel was loaded into the ambulance and his oldest son said the words that still give me chills to this day: “they think he had a stroke”.
I’ll confess that I’m not at all a medical expert but even I know not only what that means in the immediate sense but also that the recovery period is likely to be a frustratingly slow one prone to the occasional setbacks.
After all, that was the initial diagnosis for Alexander before things cleared up enough for the doctors to see the big cortical dysplasia in his right frontal lobe that he was dealing with far more than what was initially described as blood on the brain from likely abnormal blood vessels that burst due to the pressures exerted on his skull during childbirth.
Yeah…these past few weeks would have been much easier if he were someone in the neighbourhood I just knew in passing.
Twelve years ago when he and Jessica moved in next door with their three children, I had no idea then that we’d have become so close to the point where I do not draw a distinction between them and the family with whom I share blood and history.
I’ll admit that it still amazes me to this day that we managed to have such a great relationship because in the beginning we seemed about as different in personality and temperament as the night is to the day!
I’m pretty sure I’m not revealing any state secrets to anyone who has known me for more than a few days that I tend to be very introverted and quiet round people I don’t know very well. Let’s be honest, if the first thought that comes to mind when you think of a nerd is an extraordinarily introverted brainiac who is far more comfortable dealing with technology and sticking their nose in a convenient book than social contact with actual human beings, you’d have had me nailed cold for what I was like the first time I met Miguel and Jessica.
For the previous six or so months, I’d been very happily anonymous at the apex of the cul-de-sac with empty lots all round me and the trees between me and the lake. Indeed, the privacy afforded by my lot was one of the key selling points especially for an Army brat for whom the concept of privacy is one we only dared to dream of but never really experienced, particularly on base!
Now here’s this new Puerto Rican couple moving in next door who were both originally from Boston and their kids who were a bit older than my kids.
To be fair, Boston I thought I really knew because I’d had a cherished co-worker in a previous job who was very much big-time Bostonian who was not afraid to cheerfully embrace the “Masshole” mystique the Commonwealth can inspire in it’s citizens (even though once you got past that, you realised she was quite a sweetheart in her way). I’d watched more than a few episodes of “Cheers” and I had done a road trip with the Hurricanes for game 4 of the 1998 Eastern Conference Quarterfinals and was never more thankful they had lost a game than that one. That’s the only reason I think I made it out of Fleet Centre alive rocking that Canes jersey emblazoned with Robert Kron’s name!
I’ll admit I knew far less about Puerto Rico though I wasn’t anywhere near as thick as the average American citizen that often has no clue that Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States and thus Puerto Ricans are *ALSO* American citizens who are not permitted to vote for the President.
My earliest impression of them was that they were very nice and pleasant to talk to and definitely much more extroverted than I’d ever be, sometimes a bit spirited and exuberantly so in the Bostonian tradition when there was a difference of opinion but you could see from the start that they were very much a loving couple and loving parents who cared deeply for their kids happiness and welfare.
Over the next few weeks and months, I’d find out that Miguel had served in the Army as my father had and that we had more than a passing interest in politics and current events that eventually evolved into conversations that would last hours. We may not necessarily have had the same opinion either before or after but it was refreshing being able to have the conversation and occasional debate that has never devolved into the unpleasantness we see so often today in our society.
The next thing I know, their house has become the social centre of our end of the neighbourhood and that there’s nothing quite like a Puerto Rican party and barbecue. I’d soon be introduced to pinchos (grilled skewers of chicken or pork), tostones (fried plaintains), sofrito (a very uniquely flavoured green sauce), and many more instances of Puerto Rican comfort foods than I can possibly name.
I occasionally joke that I’ve somehow become “boricua adjacent” or “Puerto Rican by association” the more I’ve learnt of Puerto Rico and the culture and there is certainly more than a little bit of truth to it than I’d have ever imagined possible. 🙂
They also have opened their home several times without hesitation to those in need of shelter and a home until they can get back on their own feet. I’ll admit I’ve always found that remarkable but not necessarily surprising…their hospitality to others is such an ingrained part of their personality.
The months and then years pass and I’ve found myself increasingly a part of birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, a couple of weddings, and the odd bit of just hanging out together for all hours until Jessica finally has to put her foot down and insist that he does need a bit of sleep from time to time. Through them, I’ve met other friends I will cherish forever and have found avenues and opportunities for my life I’d never imagined exploring.
We’ve shared our bits of expertise through the years whether it be a camera and occasional bits of nerdery or having him mend all of the toilets in this house and lay down a truly excellent vinyl plank floor in the kitchen and other areas downstairs that don’t have carpet. When he’s mended enough to resume his passion for renovating houses, please consider Prestige Home Renovations for your next renovation project…I can guarantee you will not be disappointed! 🙂
We’ve also taken the mickey with each other more times than I can possibly tell but when he calls me a “stooge” or something in Spanish he might not remember that I actually understand far better than I let on, it’s always done in a loving way.
That’s when I’d realised that we’ve gone well past neighbours and have become in our unique way a family of our own design.
There’s the family you’re born to and then there’s the family that you choose or they choose you. Sometimes those that choose or have chosen are closer to us than the ones born to it.
We may not share common blood or heritage and we’re still polar opposites in terms of how comfortable we are in new social situations but what we share transcends all of that: LOVE and having CHOSEN EACH OTHER through the years to be as unique a family as we can be.
That’s why I have no qualms whatsoever admitting to anyone who wants to know that they truly are as much family to me as those who were born to it and that I love them dearly and I can not and will not imagine my world without them in it.
That’s why the last three weeks have been so unsettling…a huge part of my heart isn’t where it needs to be.
I do have faith that though he is walking through dark and empty places now, he will eventually find his way back to us and we can once again be whole. It may well take months and more than a few frustrations along the way but I was encouraged when I visited him in hospital a week ago to see much more of my dear friend’s personality in the occasionally lucid moments than I had dared to dream possible.
There’s still a long road ahead and it won’t be an easy one for Miguel and all of us who truly love him as one of our own. The journey that is shared is always going to be easier than the one must face alone.
With that in mind, a GoFundMe has been established to help Jessica and the family with the medical bills and other expenses until Miguel is able to resume his calling to doing amazing home renovation projects. I hope that you may find it within your heart to help if you are able as they have done for so many people since they changed my life in ways I’m still discovering to this day. And if all you can offer at this time is best wishes for Miguel to have a speedy recovery, then that’s perfectly fine as there can never be too many good thoughts and vibes put into the universe where it needs to be. 🙂
Faith manages. 🙂
