---

When we left our last exploration of just how galactically stupid Equifax is generally (and their “customer care” outsourced to India is specifically), I had decided to create a second dispute with them to just correct the spelling of my first name and upload the documents that they had demanded I put in the post to them in Atlanta (to likely “misplace” or intentionally shred if past behaviour is anything to go by!) which included my full Social Security Number.

I objected to that last bit as it is just making it too easy for the identity thieves to intercept the SSN in the post and wreak even more havoc than they already have when we found someone had compromised Nicholas’ SSN and darned near succeeded in opening a fraudulent credit card in his name that even Capital One thought was dubious but they still put a card that could be activated in the post anyway.

It truly beggars belief that the process of correcting the spelling of my name is truly this painful and that they’d demand I compromise my SSN in the post when even their own website says “For Security purposes, only the last 4 digits of your Social Security number are included in correspondence from Equifax”.

So imagine my lack of surprise when the results from that second dispute came back a day later with this notation:

Did the people who supposedly “reviewed the identification information” actually even bother to look at the attachments to that dispute which was a scan of my SSA card and a water bill on official letterhead which were supposedly acceptable to make this change according to the original letter?!?

That’s what prompted another call to “Equifax US” which is really in Bangalore, Karnataka State in India whilst I was in the car park waiting for Katie to fill in some paperwork at Campbell for her summer job on campus and I get someone named “Shovik” which is surprisingly realistic as the call centres over there usually give a bogus “American” name even though they’re clearly not American or even in this country.

• After navigating VRU hell with the irritating idiot robot woman, I get told of the “extended call volumes” and that “all agents are busy” which are problems that would be solved by not doing breathtakingly stupid things and encouraging the agents to stop juggling bollocks and actually do their bloody jobs.
• I take a chance on “Shovik” and explain the situation that’s led up to this point and that I’m not at all comfortable with putting my full SSN into the post (referencing the policy given above that if it’s good enough for Equifax, I should be given the same courtesy) and also referencing the most recent dispute in which the demanded documents were uploaded but apparently never considered.
• He actually confirms my suspicion that the data contamination came from a pre-screened credit offer and not a real creditor (he doesn’t admit that it’s their coding that has a bug but an ascending alphabetical sort is the default so it’s impossible for them to pull the “it’s not our code” excuse) and that he can actually fix the spelling of the name straightaway which is the first time that’s actually been offered by an agent which was rather shocking.
• One minute later, “Shovik” tells me the system “just went down” (how convenient) and suggests that I ring them back later (which is horribly inconvenient!).
• I make it clear in no uncertain terms that I expect his offer to fix the error whilst I’m on the call is still my expectation and how he manages that is his problem, not mine. After a few more minutes of him trying desperately to wriggle out of it, the system apparently is resurrected from the dead and he relays that news and two seconds later appends “thank God!” to that statement. Honestly, I’m trying not to laugh…
• Supposedly he was able to make the change and I ask him if the system has an audit logging feature where all changes to the data are tracked as to who and what made the change so that we can pinpoint where the contagion came from. I’m not talking about the transaction logs which does this on a database level and in the background but rather an explicit mechanism that logs the change and the user ID and/or programme that made it (as well as any other pertinent info such as IP address) at a bare minimum for a data warehouse. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t have such a mechanism if for no other reason than to respond to law enforcement/government regulator enquiries when violations of the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA) are alleged and in this particular case would have been proven multiple times over. But I do have faith in the stupidity of Equifax’s business processes as you’ll soon see…
• Total time of the call: 33 minutes.

I’m hoping “Shovik” kept his wits about him at this point but until I see visible confirmation the change has been made, I’m not trusting Equifax or any of their agents as far as I can throw them.

That proved to be well founded a few days later when I saw the scan of the front of the results letter in the post had the wrong spelling of the name, it seems pretty open-and-shut that whoever supposedly processed the second dispute was utterly incompetent (whether intentionally or not was yet to be determined) and that “Shovik” hadn’t actually fixed it as he had promised.

I can’t prove that “Shovik” lied about the system available with the “thank God” exclamation but the evidence of the wrong spelling being used yet again throughout the letter as well yet another demand for those documents in the post strongly suggests he did for whatever reason known only to him. Whether it was merely just to get me off the line so he can pump up his call volume statistics or he was unintentionally incompetent doesn’t seem to make a difference and this is now well past the point disciplinary actions and accountability are desperately needed throughout the Equifax “customer care experience”.

So here we go again with yet another attempt to get the script jockeys in Bangalore to fix this before I have to start sending complaints to the NC Attorney General and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (even though the latter is on death’s doorstep and was mostly a paper tiger prior to that, Equifax would still have to eat the costs of defending the indefensible and sometimes that’s all the win consumers with no power can hope for!).

This time, I’m not bothering with the level one people who have proven to be completely hopeless.

First call:

• After navigating VRU hell, I get “Mel” which about the thickest Karnataka State accent I’ve ever heard in my life who identifies herself as working for “Equifax US” and absolutely refuses to admit she’s halfway round the world. Dear…your attempts at “American” English is not at all convincing and your clear disdain that came through loud and clear are the two reasons why the Filipinos are absolutely destroying India’s call centre industry. The Filipinos at least understand us and our culture and are much more friendly in a call centre setting than anyone in India ever will be.
• From the 28th to the 33rd minute, “Mel” tries selling me on the idea that there is no supervisor to be had which is an outright lie as there is no way that call centre with so many people talking in the background is staffed with only one supervisor. She eventually takes the hint that I’m not buying her story and back on hold I go.
• 47th minute is a serenade in intermittent beeps that might herald a transfer and indeed that happens and I get “Tim” the supposed supervisor. It seems to be “we’re going to pretend we have American names” day at the call centre.
• “Tim” goes silent after I gently and politely point out that nearly 50 minutes of waiting to get him is completely unacceptable and unsurprisingly he exacts his revenge by disconnecting the call from his end (big “no-no” in Indian call centres).

Second call:

• I discover the secret sauce to defeating VRU hell and get to a human without all of the nonsense…when the irritating robot lady voice comes on, say “supervisor”…wait three seconds…when she tries the confirmation spiel, say “yes”. Human answers relatively soon after.
• This time it’s the rather nosy “Ruben” who demands to know why I want to talk to the supervisor and won’t take “it’s none of your concern” for an answer. OK buddy…how about “multiple violations of the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA) and poor customer service”? He takes the hint.
• Hold music cuts out at 6:30 and then returns at 10:30…not sure why that happened.
• 17th minute sees me get dumped to the “survey” that they desperately don’t want me to actually respond to and then it’s another intentional disconnect.

Third call:

• Yay! VRU robot woman defeated again and 3:30 worth of announcements of how busy they are and that calls are monitored for quality assurance (if the quality I’ve experienced is any indication…those calls most certainly aren’t and management isn’t remotely interested in improving the “experience”).
• “Mason” turns up at the four minute mark and actually responds appropriately (meaning TRUTHFULLY!) when I ask him if it’s a lovely evening in Bangalore (giving it a local’s inflection of “Bengaluru” which is the local dialect’s version of Bangalore). You take your wins where you can get them! 🙂
• At 4:30, I go on hold whilst he’s off scaring up a supervisor.
• The five minute mark has “Mason” come back and tell me the supervisor is at lunch. I point out that the needs of someone who has made multiple calls spanning many hours over a few days and is already past a hour in today’s “fun” is going to take precedence over a supervisor putting food in his pie hole (and keep in mind, I’m feeling the effects of hypoglycaemia coming on as I’d not eaten in the past 24 hours at least so I’m really not in the mood for that excuse).
• “Mason” has the brilliant take that “his supervisor is entitled to enjoy his lunch”. I don’t think he likes the rather pithy suggestion that either his supervisor gets on the line or he can go grab someone else.
• 8th minute and he revenge dumps me to the main menu where I defeat the VRU robot woman once again and it takes three minutes for “Joel” to pick up.
• On hold again at the 12th minute which stretches until the 36th minute when supervisor “Sunny” finally turns up.
• Once more through the spiel and he’s trying to sell me on the idea that the spelling of the name is corrected even though I’m clearly seeing on the supposedly same system it isn’t. He doesn’t exactly have an answer for the observation that the letter arriving in the post that day has the wrong spelling of my name and if it had been corrected in the system, that would have happened *BEFORE* the address was applied to the letter template that was printed and put in the post.
• I finally ask him if I have to burn another credit report (of the six free ones allotted per year) and he says he’ll be putting a copy in the post. Lovely (especially given how wretched on the online system is that it won’t generate a PDF document of the report…you have to print each of the sections to PDF and then combine them in Acrobat which is *PAINFUL*) but does absolutely nothing to convince me that the name has been corrected.
• He keeps trying to assure me it has been and I’m pointing out that my trust of Equifax and it’s operatives is near zero at this point.
• I finally end up going ahead and burn a credit report anyway and lo and behold, the spelling of the name is magically now correct. I’m thinking “Sunny” successfully did what “Shovik” failed to do which, whilst it’s scary as hell that someone in India can directly edit critical and confidential financial details, I’m just glad that I’ve got documented proof it’s been fixed.
• I suggest very strongly to “Sunny” that he needs to put whatever notes into my credit file he can that they are not to change the spelling of my name without explicit written authorisation from me and he assures me that he…CAN’T do this. OK…next time you pull this stunt, I’ll just go to the AG and CFPB without even bothering to ring you and give you a chance to avoid their ire.
• Call ended in the 49th minute.

Equifax should have never trusted a data source that isn’t even a legitimate creditor (and no, wanting to suck me into accepting their wretched loan/card is not the same thing) changing the spelling of my name without at least trying to confirm it with me first!

They most certainly should not have made it this difficult that it took nearly *THREE WEEKS* and multiple calls to correct a mistake that EQUIFAX made that they shouldn’t have.

But even that pales to the general “I could care less about the customer” attitude that permeated darned near everyone I interacted with in this whole sorry mess. Not that I expect Equifax to actually care because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t have outsourced such a critical function off-shore to people who are ill-equipped and don’t have the proper temperament to understand that they’re making a situation that is already frustrating as hell far worse.

I do hope this is the last time I ever have to deal with Equifax in my lifetime. Sadly, their poor data management policies and horrid customer service means this is someone one can only dare to dream of. 🙁