In my sister’s birthday post a few days ago, I admitted that I’d been asking for a sister well before my mother and stepfather were married.
It wasn’t that I was implacably opposed to having a brother but rather the idea that little sisters were just a lot more interesting. The boy thing…been there, done that, not much mystery left if you catch my drift. A little sister, OTOH…that’s terra incognita worthy of exploring.
Halloween night whilst I was living at Ft Sam Houston, I finally got the news that I had a little brother all of my own and even though he was not the contradictory gender I’d been requesting, I was still thrilled to finally join the ranks of the kids who had a sibling even if he was six states away.
For the next couple of months until it was time to come visit Mom in North Carolina during the festive season per the divorce decree, I’m pretty sure I bored my friends to tears with all of the news I’d hear about my new baby brother.
Initially, they weren’t inclined to believe I actually had a new brother. The vast majority of them had never heard of a divorce much less experienced one up close and personal so the idea that I’d be talking up a baby brother I’d never even met just did not compute for them! I distinctly remember the vulgar terminology of bovine defecation vis-a-vis Ben’s existence being tossed in my direction more than a few times. I’ll confess to a somewhat guilty pleasure when I brought back a picture of him and was able to shove it right under their noses along with a forceful “in yer face, Dick Tracy!”
That first year and a half was pretty much ideal…all of the joys of a younger brother and none of the responsibility!
That would change in 1982 when Dad got orders to PCS to Hanau in what was then West Germany. PCS is military slang meaning “permanent change of station” which is a fancy way of telling a soldier you’ll be somewhere by a certain date to report for duty assignment or you’ll be in the disciplinary barracks at Ft Leavenworth should you choose not to accept the dance invitation! Much as we loved our year at Ft Leavenworth, it’s a much more pleasant place when you can view the Castle (the old building housing the military prison) rather than inhabit it. 🙂
I was not allowed to accompany him on this tour of duty so whilst Dad was off in Germany, I’d be in Fayetteville with a little brother close at hand 24/7.
Now, keep in mind that for eleven and a half years…I was an only child. My days were usually going to school and coming home afterward. When I got there, I’d attend to any homework that I didn’t already do in class which was a very rare thing and then I had the rest of the evening to spend as I wish.
Usually this would involve cozying up to the book du jour and lose myself in whatever I was reading until it was time to attend to basic hygiene and nip off to bed. Or so they thought because it’s amazing what one can do with a flashlight and thick covers… 🙂
Now I’m thirteen and I’ve living with a little brother who is quite mobile and talkative and wants someone to play with him. Pretty much all the time!
It didn’t matter that I was quite used to being able to read or do whatever amused me in peace and solitude…after all, thirteen years of being able to do just that certainly didn’t disabuse me of that notion.
Ben certainly did. 😉
My room was somewhat unique at that house on Fresno Drive…we had built a pretty detailed model train layout on a green painted 4’x8′ plywood which was supported by two cinder block bookcases on either side and some cinder blocks to support the middle. Underneath the HO-scale train set was a cave containing two bean bags, my pillows, and blankets and a lamp that would allow me to curl up with my favourite book or sleep if I so chose.
There was also a door to this bedroom that I generally kept shut…or tried to.
There’s a scene from “Beverly Hills Cop II” where Gilbert Gottfried’s character is reacting to Axel Foley et al just busting into his office to shake him down over some fictitious parking tickets.
“Oh, oh, oh. Come right in. Don’t let the fact that my door’s closed dissuade you in any way from entering my office!”
Sydney Bernstein, “Beverly Hills Cop II”
Even though that movie would come out four years after these events, I was *SO* in tune with his character’s anguished sentiment when a certain little brother would just barge through that door and demand that I play with him.
It was bad enough that Ben got all of the attention but now I can’t even have a moment’s peace in what passed for my Fortress of Solitude.
I’m sure you can imagine the conflict that followed…
It didn’t matter to Ben that I didn’t have the faintest clue *HOW* to play with him or make him happy, for that matter. Our age difference and the fact that on top of everything else, that period of my life was most kindly described as “a difficult patch” coupled with thirteen years of being alone left me hopelessly unprepared for the reality of a little brother who wouldn’t take HELL NO for an answer.
I can honestly say that I never appreciated the aphorism “having isn’t quite the same as wanting” quite as much as I did during those two years.
I can look back upon it and laugh now because even though my teenage angst saw the situation as hopelessly intolerable, I didn’t have the first faintest clue that life can be far more difficult than just trying to share existence with a sibling.
When Meghann turned up a couple years later, she had the benefit of me having learned that the hard way plus being that much older if not particularly wiser. And me not being there 24/7 as I was sharing Dad’s last tour of duty in Mississippi.
That definitely made things easier. 😉
Things eventually did get better between us even though the big age gap pretty much ensured I’d never have the faintest clue what passed for “cool” in his world.
I was away at university by then and would breeze in from time to time and then I’d be off again for another few months.
I’ll admit that I’ve always found it hilarious that even though the two of us really don’t look anything alike, we turned out to be very much alike in terms of loving reading and learning for it’s own sake and occasionally messing with Meghann’s sanity. 🙂
It wasn’t too much of a surprise that he would ultimately end up becoming a teacher and then a librarian at his school. Being in a library surrounded by books would seem to be a dream job that he’s perfectly suited to do and so far he seems to be enjoying ruling his media centre as a benevolent monarch! 🙂
So happy flipping the tens digit on that odometer day to you Ben!
And may you have many happy returns of the day! 🙂
