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A while ago, a strange unsolicited package was dumped on my doorstep by FedEx addressed to some random person I don’t know whose last name isn’t even close to mine and has certainly never lived here I’ve been the sole owner since the house was built.

Unsolicited merchandise.

Unless otherwise agreed, where unsolicited goods are delivered to a person, he has a right to refuse to accept delivery of the goods and is not bound to return such goods to the sender. If such unsolicited goods are addressed to and intended for the recipient, they shall be deemed a gift to the recipient, who may use them or dispose of them in any manner without any obligation to the sender. (1969, c. 70, s. 1; 1977, c. 498.)

NC Gen Stat § 75-27 (2023)

North Carolina law is pretty clear that unsolicited goods that are addressed to you that land on your doorstep are yours to do with what you will.

It’s a lot less clear what one’s legal obligations are when the address is correct but the name isn’t, especially considering that it wasn’t their mistake that this package ended up in their possession. But as a commissioned notary, one of the requirements to keep the commission is honesty and avoiding moral turpitude and stealing or disposing of something that was clearly not intended for me seems wrong.

So wanting to at least be honest and try to get this package to where it’s intended (which certainly wasn’t me as I hated one of Verizon’s predecessor companies almost as much as I loathe Rectum and will never willingly do business with Verizon) and as I was sifting lots of images from a recent trip to Illinois and could use a bit of a break, I figured I’d see if this was another case of FedEx biffing a delivery that was meant for one of my neighbours.

However, a quick search of the real estate tax bills not only didn’t find anyone in this neighbourhood with that last name, there wasn’t anyone who matched that name in my entire ZIP code.

Hmmm…that’s rather curious.

The label on the package was rather opaque and didn’t clearly identify the sender but a quick Google search identified the address as a known Verizon distribution centre and the phone number listed under the recipient’s name came back as a Verizon mobile number.

At this point, I’m wondering if I’m being used as an unwilling part of a scam that’s been known to be perpetrated against cell phone carriers and Verizon has been particularly hard hit over the past couple of years.

The cell phone carriers have gotten into the habit of activating the devices before they post them from their distribution centres. So some shady person with bogus contact and payment details orders up some kit to be delivered to a random address and their goal is to either intercept the delivery and persuade the driver to hand it over or bogart the delivered package off the porch before the occupants are aware of it.

With that activated device, they then have free cell service for a couple of months until the cell phone company realises they’ve not been paid for those activated lines and then bans their IMEI (International Mobile Equipment Identity) from the network and the phone’s effectively a brick.

But on the off chance Verizon might want to get their package where it needs to be, I ring up what Verizon advertises as “customer service” to see what they want me to do with this unwanted package.

Here’s how it went…

• First call is to what is supposedly a customer service number but in fact is to some gent named Andrew in their sales department who ends up transferring me to the people posing as customer service but actually get disconnected. You’d think a telephone provider might be a bit more successful at keeping a telephone connection open but…sigh… 🙁
• Second call to a different customer service number goes unanswered for 15 minutes as the system keeps trying to roll me to an available agent who wasn’t juggling their bollocks in their cubicle until the system decides that everyone it’s trying to connect me with are bollock jugglers par excellence and boots me to dial tone again.
• The third call was directed at a number that is supposedly for escalating issues but in fact turns out to be for their repairs department.
• The fourth call to yet another number lands me back in the repair department queue with someone who identified as JC and is very definitely Filipino who transfers me successfully to the worst part of the customer service call queue known as “VRU Hell”.
• The final call is back to someone who bills himself as part of “customer care” and who is far more Filipino than the previous one. At this point, I’m ready for someone with a bit more caring about the customer (which I’m not even one and this is certainly not encouraging me to become one!) and a tad bit more authority. This leads to 25 minutes of him supposedly relaying messages from a supervisor and me trying to get him to understand that I’m not at all interested in playing the “telephone game” and want to speak to the supervisor personally so I don’t have to deal with a middleman corrupting the message. It should come as no shock that I was hung up upon once again.

Now I’ve put a hell of a lot more effort into trying to get this package to whoever actually wanted it and Verizon’s “customer support” teams were pretty much uniformly useless at sorting out the situation.

I’m genuinely wondering at this point if I should just chuck the package in the bin and call it a day.

Living in a battleground state that will likely decide the impending election, I’ve already got enough randos turning up at my doorstep trying to flog their preferred political party and candidates at me and that’s on top of the usual lot of solicitors and Jehovah’s Witnesses who just can’t take the bloody hint:

One of the variants on the scam is that the scammer will actually turn up at the address where it was delivered to try to retrieve the package if they weren’t able to intercept or porch pirate it on their own.

When the best possible outcome is that I’m handing off a package to someone I don’t know (and thus potentially becoming a party to a scam) and they don’t actually use it as a pretext to home invasion or worse, I’m genuinely concerned that someone will come to the door trying to retrieve that package.

I don’t have a problem defending myself and there’s some items within easy reach that will turn that bugger’s day right nasty but I’d just as soon not have to call on very unpleasant skills defending this house.

I put the package to the side and suggest to Nicholas that he not bother answering the door to unexpected callers on our doorstep and certainly not engage with anyone who asks after that particular parcel.

I don’t think that will be a problem for him as he rarely hears them knocking or ringing the doorbell from his habitat just above The Nerdery! 🙂

As it turns out, a younger male turned up on my doorstep a little over a week after the package arrived and knocked on the door as I was working on the Tales from the Lincoln Trail in WordPress.

As is my custom, I peeked out the window next to the door and figured him for a solicitor or canvasser and noticed I’d forgotten to lock the front door after bringing in my backpack and camera bag from the boot of the Traverse in to The Nerdery and fixed that little lapse in security and headed back to Maleficent to attend to more pleasant tasks.

He knocks again and I ignore him and he eventually buggers off.

A half hour later, I look to see if anything was left and sure enough there was a note tucked under the doormat where he was wanting me to ring up a number to discuss the package if one had been delivered.

Unfortunately, the first name and phone number didn’t coincide with the label on the package.

I can assure you that if I’m not particularly keen on dealing with randos who turn up on my doorstep (other than the awfully adorable 20 year-old redheaded canvasser whose respectful greeting and lovely personality to go with it was well worth answering the door that day!), I’m certainly not going to ring up one I don’t know.

What to do?

I needed a second opinion so up the hill I go to pitch the options I’d come up with Miguel and Jessica:

1. Pitch the package and note in the bin and just forget about it. That isn’t a viable option I can live with on my conscience.
2. Take the package and note to the Verizon store and see if they’re interested in ringing up the person and have them come to the Verizon store to collect it and if Verizon isn’t, then I’d pitch it knowing I’d done all I could. That was my preferred option and theirs as well.

It turns out my mother had an additional option I hadn’t considered:

3. Turn the package and the note over to the police and let them ring up the person to see if they’d collect it. That is rather deviously appealing because if the person truly is a scammer, the last place they’re wanting to visit would be a cop shoppe and if they’re not, I doubt they’re going to try any funny business with the well-armed and trained personnel at the RPD station.

Mom’s suggestion actually reminded me of another one I’ve seen in Port Orange and Garner where there is a specific area of the car park outside the police station that is actively monitored by camera for transactions like this between strangers. But the downside would be ringing that stranger’s number and thus exposing my own via caller ID…uh, no thanks.

I’m going to go with #2 and if that doesn’t work, I’ll do #3 and be done with it.

I’ll let you know how it works out! 🙂